Postpartum Realities

Life with a newborn is hard. Anyone who says it isn't, is lying. I've always said that blogging is my therapy, so here we go!

I think too often people assume a postpartum woman is to act and look like what is portrayed in the movies. Turns out that shit is fake, so let's be real!

Ready for some postpartum verbal diarrhea?

I lost all sense of modesty when I was laying naked on an operating table in front of 15 people.

I was grossed out when they handed me the baby all covered in goo.

I regret saying it was okay for a student nurse to observe everything both during labor and while we stayed. She was terrible and slow and didn't know what she was doing. I just wanted MY nurse, not her.

The ride home was the most painful and equally exhausting thing ever.

I forgot that babies have no sense of a schedule.

The faces when he is waking up are hilarious though!

Breastfeeding is a lot of work. We are currently successful, but it's only because I'm hard headed and determined to make it for awhile. PLUS with me not working, I don't want to have to budget in formula.

I'm an exhibitionist. Nursing with a cover is next to impossible, and it's fucking hot out, so I say screw it!

I don't recognize my boobs. They were so pretty before, and now, well...... I didn't know certain parts could get so large.

Even though I'm 5ish pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight, I'll be in maternity clothes for a bit and I'm a bit annoyed by it. But I remember it took a couple months for my c-section "overhang," that skin that resembles a string pressed into dough, to flatten a little. So for now, I'm embracing it!

Tummy tucks should be routine with all c-sections. I mean, they are already cutting into you!

Stretch marks look worse when they aren't stretched out on a big belly.

Cluster feeding is the Universe's way of testing my endurance.

I'm a weight Nazi. Getting him to birth weight was like winning a gold medal!

I can somewhat successfully function on a total of 5 broken hours of sleep.

The inventor of baby swings is a genius.

If it wasn't for babywearing, I'd never accomplish anything.

Jayce spends 90% of his day on my chest.

This was happening while I was writing this. 

The first 2 weeks of baby plus siblings is hell on Earth. Literally.

Cute moments did occur though!

I cried every time the baby cried.

I cried every time Layne cried because I couldn't pick him up.

I cried over literally nothing....a lot. But I'm proud to say I'm 7 days tear free. Do I get a some sort of chip?

Jayce slept on my chest until 3 nights ago. Please, report me to the "Back Is Best" police. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Getting peed and pooped on is a regular thing. I even rocked a pee soaked t-shirt through Target.

I'm grossed out the a woman's body can bleed for so long and still be alive.

My libido disappeared. Yes, I still have 3ish weeks to wait according to the rule followers, and that's fine. My desire is literally zero.

Cleaning in general....overrated.

The first day home by myself and all the children, I felt like a bad ass everyone survived and made it to bedtime, including myself!

Taking a shower is a luxury that I have to schedule around naps and feeding times.

Some days, I forget to brush my teeth.

I'd like to hire a nanny. Actually a nanny intern, because it's not a paying job. That could be a real thing, right?!

I know I need to cherish all the snuggles, but I look forward to the stage when crying, pooping, and sleeping aren't all that he does.

99% sure we are done with babies. That damn 1% though!

Jayce Thomas' Birth Story

On Tuesday, May 26th we arrived bright and early to the hospital for my planned c-section. Since I didn't go into labor ahead of time, I wasn't getting the VBAC that I was hoping to have. This was a whole new experience for me, but I enjoyed the fact that I could do my hair and makeup leading up to his arrival. They got us checked in, changed into my "sexy" gown, and then my anxiety set in. My makeup was a total loss at that point!

One thing that I forgot about my previous c-section was the million fluids they pump into you before, during and after. With my lovely tendency to retain water while pregnant, every ounce they pumped into me went to my face, fingers and feet.

At 9:15am my wheelchair arrived and I got wheeled into the O.R. I sat on the table, hunched over and got my spinal placed. (It hurt like a bitch!) I then laid on the table. This is when the awkward factor set in. And for anybody that is modest, don't have babies, Here I laid, in a cold operating room, while nurses lifted my gown (in front of every person present), placed my catheter, and then washed my entire stomach. I kept asking if they were going to put up the curtain, because I could see everything. They reassured me that they would right before they cut into me.....I guess that was suppose to make me feel more comfortable.

So then my doctor came in and they got started. I felt the tugging and pulling, and then it got more intense. I told the anesthesiologist that my chest was hurting, that's when she told me, "Well that's because the doctor is on your chest." Ummmmmmm WHAT?! I then here the doctor ask for the forceps. Forceps in a c-section? What the hell was going on on the other side of that curtain?!

I continued to complain about my ribs, to the point that I was in tears. But after what seemed like an eternity I heard, "Are you ready for him?!" Then the doctor pulled Jayce out and held him over the curtain. He was blue. I was panicking. The doctor shook him and told him to wake up, no response. He was then quickly handed off to the nurses where they put an oxygen mask on him and started to rub him down trying to get a cry out of him. I was bawling at this point, and feeling helpless. Finally we heard a cry. I never thought I would be so happy to hear a baby cry! This whole thing played out in less than a minute, but it felt like forever! They say he wasn't breathing because of the stress of the delivery.

Jason cut the cord. I got to snuggle him by my face while they closed me up. Afterwards we headed into recovery. That's when I was told that Jayce was completely stuck in my ribs on the right side. His butt and feet were lodged up there. Jason saw the doctor pretty much on top of me during the delivery trying to push him out. When my doctor came to visit me later on, there was a genuine concern about if any of my ribs were broken. I had to do the deep breathing exercises, which hurt like hell, but in the end, my ribs were fine. I was just a bit beat up!

I'm not upset that I didn't get the birth that I thought I wanted, because I'm just happy that in the end we had a healthy baby boy!

Jayce Thomas Snyder
May 26, 2015

9:48am

7 lbs 9 oz

20.5 inches